By Lockdown has put a fatal strain on many relationships, with divorce enquiries seeing an increase of 42%
Between March 23, the day lockdown was announced, and mid-May, Co-op Legal Services reported that, when compared to the same period in 2019, they had seen a 42 per cent increase in divorce inquiries.
There’s no denying that lockdown has had a huge impact on relationships. For the first time, couples who live together have faced months of spending their entire time together, putting a microscope focus on all aspects of relationship.
Relationship expert, Kate Nicolle of Happier Relationships in Thame, recognises the strain that lockdown has put on couples, and believes that with a little work, there is a much simpler solution that doesn’t have end in divorce.
Nicolle calls on couples to make a simple change to their behaviour. She explains:
“In many cases, the core issues in relationships come down to basic transactional analysis theory. When one member of a couple adopts the ‘parent’ persona pushing the other into ‘child mode’, rather than talking to one another adult to adult.
She goes on to explained that when one partner adopts this ‘parent persona’ coping mode, the most common response from their partner is to feel like a child, causing their ‘child mode’ to kick in.
Those in the ‘child role’ defend the parenting of them with a childlike response, with one behaviour evoking the response of the other. Nicolle explains that it is the classic ‘chicken and egg’ scenario: the more ‘child’ one is, the more ‘parent’ the other becomes.
Nicolle also explains that the parenting persona is more often than not taken on my mothers, who who have been pushed into doing the majority of the domestic labour. She explains:
“It is no coincidence that women continue to parent in their relationships, as there is no breather for them to return to being adults during lockdown. This is not exclusive to parents, but all relationships as one member of the partnership will take on the majority of the domestic and emotional load during this difficult time.”
To avoid slipping into the parent/child roles and causing potentially irreversible damage to your relationship – Nicolle has the following advice:
“As we emerge from lockdown, take time to reflect on your relationship. It is impossible to be in adult mode all the time, of course it is, but even if all you do is try to notice when you slip out of adult, that is going to help your relationship to flourish into something more respectful, mature, resilient and healthy.”
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